didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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