Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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