My hair reeks of homosexuality.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
