Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
