i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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