Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
