Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
