It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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