Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
