i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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