Whod you bang
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
