Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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