i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
