community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
