guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
