already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
