hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
