I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
