I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
