My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize