well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
