Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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