My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
