We won't sleep together?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
