how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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