chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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