I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
