You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I looked at my own cervix.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
