toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're completely useless in the revolution.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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