but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
