Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
