So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
