stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
