they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
