Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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