is your mom at the bar?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
