Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
