I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
