I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
whose parrot is this?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize