I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
