chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
