just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
