Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
