Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
