Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize