Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize