I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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