I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
