The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Can I color on your dick again?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
