If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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