just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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