If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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