this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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