Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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