she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
