In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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