I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
