oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
BRING THE BAGELS
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
