We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize