I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
