is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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