she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
