A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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