Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize