I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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