Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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