dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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