How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
