I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
