He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
dude. I can hear the air.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
