i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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